I wrote this song for my dad. He had a lot of personal struggles that grew into mental illness and violent behavior. I prayed for safety and that God would change dad's heart and heal him. Tragically, dad ended his life a few years ago. Losing him in such a horrible way and losing the hope that he might one day change was overwhelming. Even worse, he left the earth without making things right with anyone. My mother, sister, brother and I had a small family memorial for my dad on the boardwalk at Shem Creek in Mt. Pleasant. We cried, and prayed. We each had a white rose and we dropped the flowers in the water to signify letting go of dad and all of the hurt. The flowers in the water were symbolic, but my heart had no idea how to forgive the years of pain dad had caused.
One night I had a dream. I saw my dad weeping and groaning in agony with regret over what he had done. The scene was so awful that I awoke with tears streaming and literally said out loud to God, “just forgive him!” From that moment on, it was as though God gave me a gift of forgiveness - nothing I could muster up on my own - it was literally dropped down on me. Jesus forgave my dad, and because Jesus is in me, I could feel that forgiveness inside.
For anyone who has dealt with a complicated or abusive father relationship, there is hope. You CAN be set free from the weight of the brokenness. I did not do anything except open my heart to the idea - God did the rest. When Father's Day rolls around, I no longer feel gut-wrenching pain - I can honor my dad and even give him a legacy by living my life the way I wish he had lived his. Here is the song I wrote for my dad - I hope it blesses you and brings you hope!
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233)
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255